theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My pussy is not your playground.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
