This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
