she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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