I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
