they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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