Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize