You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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