opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
