i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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