Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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