You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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