Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
