I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She bit a glass in half.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
