When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
