why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
