So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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