I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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