I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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