This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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