I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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