so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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