I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize