im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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