Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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