Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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