i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
