Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
