First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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