It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
