Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
