Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
