Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
