so that wasnt chicken after all
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
