Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
