I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
