no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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