i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
