But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
