You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
