If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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