i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
