i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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