so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
