maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
