i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
