Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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