Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
