Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize