Me too!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
