I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
