she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
