Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
