Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
