I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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