Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
