I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
