Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize