I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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